Reviews, Commentary and Opinions on Midwest Craft Beer and Microbreweries

November 5, 2008

Beer Diary:

They Should Put Beer Fridges In The Voting Booths

A rundown of beer issues that only a truly great president would address.
by Eddie Glick

I like my beer like my women: pale, strong, full-bodied, and extremely bitter.
Contact Eddie»
Greetings, future people! It is I, the past Eddie Glick, writing this Tuesday morning, well before any election results are anywhere near available. I assure you I have no idea who has won this year’s election. And although I’m no political pundit, I do have a pretty good guess as to who’ll be our next prez: Ron Paul. Seriously, if I had to make a prediction based on the number of bumper stickers and yard signs, I’d say he was going to win by a landslide. Either him, or Ralph Nader. Hey, 37th time’s the charm.

I’ve always considered myself apolitical, unless the fate of craft beer is involved. Sure, I pay attention to the issues and vote—like any self-respecting American should—but frankly, I’m ticked off at all the major presidential candidates. Not a single one of them personally responded to my queries about how they stand on some extremely hot button issues. Such as:

• The legalization of home brewing in every state, city, and municipality in America. Right now it’s still illegal to brew your own beer in redneck and/or bizarro states like Alabama and Utah. This needs to be rectified, di di mau.

• While we’re on the subject of home brewing, that 200 gallons per person per household limit needs to get raised. Jug’s hitting the ceiling and it’s only the beginning of November!

• Self distribution for small breweries. This should be a federal mandate. Breweries shouldn’t be forced to go through the “three tier” system found in a lot of states. Not only is it a breeding ground for corruption, but it plays right into the hands of big shit-beer producers like Anheuser-Busch. Fuck them.

• Truth in advertising. No, I’m not talking about that Budweiser ad for the “Great American Lager” where you see a guy about to pour whole hops into a brewing vessel (whole-leaf hops haven’t touched Bud in at least 30 years). My proposal is that bars that have signs for a beer must, in fact serve that beer! Nothing is more fucking annoying than to walk into an otherwise crappy bar and see a giant Founders or Lakefront sign, but then when you ask the waitress what Founders or Lakefront they have, she says, “What’s a Founders?” Gah!

When a candidate that comes along and addresses important issues like those, then I’ll truly get excited about politics. Until then, I think we can all find some solace in this seemingly all-encompassing, never-ending rat race of an election. It is, after all, a reminder that we live in the greatest country in the world, where we are allowed to pursue the ultimate in happiness: good beer. In some countries you cannot vote. You cannot criticize whatever shithead is running the place. And in some countries you can’t even drink a beer. So no matter who won—Nader or Paul—I’d like to raise a glass of craft brewed beer in salute—and in thanks—to our nation’s founding folks, who created the greatest political system in the history of the world: democracy.

Drinkin’ And Thinkin’

Beer Dorks News

Want to know how healthy the craft beer industry is? As always, look to Portland. Craft pioneer Bridgeport announces sudden closure, adding to a growing list of PDX casualties.
Did Anheuser-Busch Chicago offer their shit beer to Cody Parkey before his missed field goal? Because that may explain why he "accidentally" biffed it.
Chicago now has the most breweries of any city in the country. Other things Chicago has the most of: murders, mobsters, and Ditkas.
Trying to spin it positive, BA releases end of year graphic. Only 5% growth in the craft sector when nearly 1000 new breweries opened? That's a collapse waiting to happen.
R.I.P. Tallgrass... another casualty as the regional/national craft beer market continues to get squeezed.
Wait... Constellation Brands cut all of the Ballast Point and Funky Buddha sales staff? They merged it with their Corona/Modelo staff?? We're SHOCKED!!!
Pizza Beer founder crying about failure of company, blames everyone else. Reminder, the beer tasted like vomit. Try having better ideas or making better products so you're not a failure.
It's Bud Light so doesn't really matter, but we expect this beer to be sitting around for awhile.
Indiana brewery to open with controversial beer names to "get the conversation going". Translation: taking advantage of serious issues for free publicity.
Hundreds of amazing beers in Wisconsin and the Cubs took back the one everyone drinks just because it exists and people have heard of it. How fitting...