Reviews, Commentary and Opinions on Midwest Craft Beer and Microbreweries

September 14, 2015

Beer Diary:

Our Take on the Lagunitas-Heineken Deal

Fuck Lagunitas.
by Eddie Glick

I like my beer like my women: pale, strong, full-bodied, and extremely bitter.
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California craft brewer Lagunitas announced last week that they agreed to sell a 50 percent stake of their company to global shit beer producer Heineken. The initial rumor floating around the interwebs pegged the moolah exchanging hands at a billion dollars.

My take? Fuck Lagunitas. I never drank their overhyped beer in the first place, and there’s even less of a reason to drink it now. The only thing that made them stand out from the crowd of just-another-California-brewery was their double-entendre named beers, which were probably funny if you happened to be stoned. I suppose you could argue that selling out to Heineken is slightly better than Bud or Miller (“They use all malt!” Lagunitas Executive Chairman/pothead Tony Magee whines defensively on a preemptive don’t-hate-us-we’re-still-craft Beer Advocate post), but that’d be like arguing that dog shit was slightly more appealing than horse shit.

To recap: Fuck Lagunitas.
So, to recap, fuck Lagunitas. There are plenty of locally brewed, better tasting beers out there we’d rather buy instead. Give me an Off Color, a Fulton, a Lake Louie, a Three Floyds, a Shorts. Give me something brewed by the non-distributing brewpub down the street. Chances are their IPA or imperial stout or saison is just as good as what Lagunitas or any other brewery out there is doing, so why not drink their stuff instead? Besides, we really don’t need any more skunked Heineken taking up precious shelf space in our local bars and bottle shops.