Reviews, Commentary and Opinions on Midwest Craft Beer and Microbreweries

November 26, 2010

Beer Diary:

The 2010 Gift Giving Guide

In the spirit of the season, either buy some of this crap or go screw yourself.
by Eddie Glick

I like my beer like my women: pale, strong, full-bodied, and extremely bitter.
Contact Eddie»
They say the perfect give you can give this holiday season is beer. You may be surprised to hear that I disagree. I don’t like receiving beer as a gift—unless it’s from a highly informed giver—for a couple of reasons. One, my beer fridge is normally packed to capacity. Which means any new, unplanned influx of beer (i.e. like a gift from a relative) will usually end up getting relegated to the food fridge upstairs. Where there’s a very good chance one of Ma and Slick’s creepy friends will drink it while I’m hiding down in the basement otherwise occupied.

Two, as a beer dork, I’m pretty persnickety about what kind of beers I allow in the basement. Yeah, I know it’s kind of a lame move to look a gift beer in the bottle neck, but I tend—very strongly—to stick with Midwest-brewed stuff, so unless it’s something I really like or really want to try, I’d rather not have that sixer of Fat Tire cluttering up the fridge.

Thirdly, I’ve had on more than one occasion clueless acquaintances say, “I bought you some of that micro beer you like!” as they hand me a six-pack of Leinie’s Honey Weiss or some tasteless shit brewed by Michelob.

So, if you’ve got some beer dorks on your gift-giving list—and I’ve successfully persuaded you to not buy them beer—and you’re now at a loss at what to get them, I present to you (get it?) the 2010 Gift Giving Guide. Or GGG for short:

For The Baby In Your Life

I Love Beer Brewing Baby Bib
Everyone knows the only things babies like better than the taste of beer is telling the world they love brewing it.
buy it now »

For Your Girlfriend/Wife

Gold Complete Beer Equipment Kit
Because if your female significant other doesn’t already brew, she should.
buy it now »
Beer Stein Purse
What better way to tote around all the female unmentionables and beer money?
buy it now »
Zable™ Sterling Silver Beer Mug Bead/Charm
This is so cool that if I ever had a girlfriend, I’d buy it for her.
buy it now »

For Your Boyfriend/Husband

Beer Bottle Belly Ring
Or you can get two so he can wear them in his nipple piercings like Franz.
buy it now »

For People Who Wear Clothes

Beer Dorks Black T
Wearing one of these will make you look cooler than a cucumber. Just ask the only three people who bought one: me, Nigel, and Jug.
buy it now »

For People Who Wear Underwear

Eddie Glick Autographed Thong
Hey, Mary McChester of North Haverbrook, California! How do you like your one-size-fits-all thong?
buy it now »

For People With Computers … Or TVs

Beer Wars DVD
A movie everyone should see. So buy it on DVD before the medium becomes obsole- … shit, too late.
buy it now »
Beer Mouse Pad
Once the mouse goes obsolete you can still hang this on your wall as art.
buy it now »

For People Who Like To Hang Out In The Bathroom For Extended Sits

All About Beer Magazine
It’s socially acceptable to read about beer while on the toilet, but not to drink beer while on the toilet. Remember that.
buy it now »
Imbibe Magazine
Not just about beer, but their beer articles are extremely well informed. Their holiday gift giving guide is great, too.
buy it now »

For People Who Like To Wash Their Hands After Hanging Out In The Bathroom For Extended Sits

Winter Lager Beer Soap—Made with Sam Adams Winter Lager
I’ve used this stuff. It really does get your hands clean, but, more importantly, it really does smell like beer.
buy it now »

For Jerks With "Smart" Phones

Protective Vinyl Skin Decal
I’m not calling you a jerk, Dear Reader. I’m calling your friends and relatives jerks.
buy it now »

For People Who Know How To Read

The Brewmaster’s Table

If you don’t have this incredibly informative and entertaining book, you should buy a copy for yourself, too. Assuming you can read.
buy it now »
Beer and Philosophy

A great way to learn about classic philosophical principles, and to help argue with shit beer-defending assholes.
buy it now »

For The Home Brewer

Refractometer for Measuring Sugar Content for Beer
If your home brewer is still using a hydrometer like a Neanderthal … or me.
buy it now »
BrewMaster Draft Beer Dispenser With Stainless Steel Door
How the Hell else do you get your beer into a glass? Just suck it out of the fermenter with a long-ass straw?
buy it now »

Today is the feast day of St. Arnold, patron saint of beer.

Drinkin’ And Thinkin’

Beer Dorks News

Want to know how healthy the craft beer industry is? As always, look to Portland. Craft pioneer Bridgeport announces sudden closure, adding to a growing list of PDX casualties.
Did Anheuser-Busch Chicago offer their shit beer to Cody Parkey before his missed field goal? Because that may explain why he "accidentally" biffed it.
Chicago now has the most breweries of any city in the country. Other things Chicago has the most of: murders, mobsters, and Ditkas.
Trying to spin it positive, BA releases end of year graphic. Only 5% growth in the craft sector when nearly 1000 new breweries opened? That's a collapse waiting to happen.
R.I.P. Tallgrass... another casualty as the regional/national craft beer market continues to get squeezed.
Wait... Constellation Brands cut all of the Ballast Point and Funky Buddha sales staff? They merged it with their Corona/Modelo staff?? We're SHOCKED!!!
Pizza Beer founder crying about failure of company, blames everyone else. Reminder, the beer tasted like vomit. Try having better ideas or making better products so you're not a failure.
It's Bud Light so doesn't really matter, but we expect this beer to be sitting around for awhile.
Indiana brewery to open with controversial beer names to "get the conversation going". Translation: taking advantage of serious issues for free publicity.
Hundreds of amazing beers in Wisconsin and the Cubs took back the one everyone drinks just because it exists and people have heard of it. How fitting...