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October 29, 2010
Beer Diary:
A Scary List
Twenty horrifying beers to make your Halloween that much more creepier.by Eddie Glick
Although RateBeer.com can get a little geeky even for me, I did find their scary listing of the 20 worst beers in America interesting reading. Here it is below, with my witty comments for each. Feel free to post your own comments (or your own list).
1. Olde English 800
Not just for bums and masochists anymore!
2. Natural Ice
[shudder]
3. Natural Light
I've noticed their relatively amusing ads around—they're trying to lure the hipster crowd away from PBR and into Natty Light Hell. One problem: PBR actually tastes like something other than … Natty Light. Barf.
4. Milwaukees Best
The Beast speaks for itself.
5. Michelob Ultra
"I can't drink that fancy beer," the guy holding the Michelob Ultra said, pointing at my bottle of Tyranena Bitter Woman, then sips from this "non-fancy" beer, the one that comes in a special slim (because a slim can will make fat-ass consumers think of being slim), "ultra-modern" looking can, and that's made using equipment and technology only a huge multinational brewery could afford. Naw. That's not fancy AT ALL.
6. Sleeman Clear
One good reason not to visit Canada.
7. Budweiser Select 55
"The wateriest beer in the world." That's their slogan, isn't it?
8. Coors Aspen Edge
I don't know what this is. And I'd like to keep it that way.
9. Bud Light Chelada
Even adding clam juice can't kill the awful, awful taste … what there is of it.
10. Busch Ice
[shudder]
11. Busch Light
This might be the first beer on this list that I've actually had. "But, Eddie, how can you rip on beers you've never even tried, you closed-minded pompous asshat?" If you need to ask that question, then you haven't drunk any of the beers on this list. And to get back to topic, Busch Light tastes like asswater.
12. Bud Light
It's a sad world we live in where Bud Light is the twelfth worst beer in the world.
13. Milwaukees Best Light
See number 12.
14. Camo Genuine Ale
I've never been able to find this beer …
15. Miller Genuine Draft Light 64
Now with extra water added!
16. Keystone Light
Remember their "bottled beer in a can" ad campaign a few decades ago? Essentially they weren't selling beer, they were selling cans. So revolutionary that Coors Light is still using it, i.e. the cans for people too stupid to know what cold feels like.
17. Budweiser Chelada
For industrially produced beer-and-clam-juice drinkers who don't care about their weight … or drinking industrially produced beer and clam juice.
18. Busch Beer
I guess you could say this for every one of these entries, but why the fuck would anyone pay money to drink this shit?
19. General Generic Beer
Is it ironic that this is rated better than a beer whose advertising budget is larger than the GDP of several countries?
20. Old Milwaukee Ice
Blame this on the marketing people: Folks, you just can't improve Old Milwaukee.