Reviews, Commentary and Opinions on Midwest Craft Beer and Microbreweries

November 20, 2009

Beer Diary:

No Oatmeal This Year!

Eddie Glick pulls ranks in order to get a decent Thanksgiving meal this year. Paired with Midwest craft beer, of course.
by Eddie Glick

I like my beer like my women: pale, strong, full-bodied, and extremely bitter.
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It’s been 11 days since I’ve left the parents’ basement. I assume everything is all right out in the “real” world since internet porn is still regular (read: awful) porn and not zombie porn. Other than the general crappiness of the porn available in the basement I have to say I don’t miss the outside world. No one’s trying to randomly engage me in political arguments, football talk (Belichick was WRONG!), or friendly punching. Hell, I haven’t used my double-barrel bird-giving fingers in I don’t know how long. I’ve got enough beer and brewing supplies to last me a good year or two, and as long as the zombies don’t take over I can always order more home brew ingredients from Midwest Supplies and they’ll bring ’em right to my front door. Ma’ll put them on the basement landing so I don’t fry my eyes in the sunlight. Yep, living down here in darkness is just fine with me.

About the only thing that is going to drag me outta of this paradise is a big-ass meal, i.e Thanksgiving. That’s right, it’s just around the corner. Last Turkey Day, if you’ll recall, I got stuck eating oatmeal for Thanksgiving. Not this year, no sir-e-bob. This year I’m forcing Nigel to include me in his Thanksgiving plans under threat of me firing his ass.

But I’ll make it worth his while, because I always travel with beer, especially when travelling over the hills and through the woods to Nigel’s crapshack we go. (Sorry, he prefers that I refer to it as “the estate.”) So below you’ll find the list of brews I plan to complement the sumptous feast Nigel will either deliver or get shit-canned faster than a Raiders head coach.

The French have a drink before dinner commences to “stimulate the appetite.” I have a beer before dinner because I can’t interact with anyone in a socially acceptable manner without alcohol in my system. Kidding! But what we’re looking for here is something with a small bite to get the juices flowing. Like a fairly even-keeled pale ale. Alpha King, while one of the best beers in the world, might be a little on the bitter side for this purpose. But luckily we’ve got a plethora of pale ales to choose from in the Midwest.

• Capital U.S. Pale Ale
• Summit Extra Pale Ale
• Founders Pale Ale
• Lakefront Cream City

I am not a salad guy. But Nancy likes his weeds, so I’ve gotta sit through this wussiest course of the meal. Might as well make it enjoyable with a lighter but interesting brew that will actually make the cow feed taste good.

• Three Floyds Rabid Rabbit
• Jolly Pumpkin Bam Bière
• Oaken Barrel Alabaster
• America’s Honey Wheat Ale

Main Course
We’ll need something both meaty and delicate to handle the wide variety of niblets Nigel has promised. That means Belgian-style brews. There ain’t a lot of ‘em here in the Midwest, but there’s enough for a decent selection this Thanksgiving.

• Two Brothers Oh Brother!
• Sprecher Abbey Triple
• New Holland Black Tulip
• Ale Asylum Tripel Nova

This can get tricky, because after cramming my hole with turkey and taters and cranberry, I might be in the mood for something on the (relatively) light side, like apple pie. Ah, fuck it. Imperial stout (or porter) will go with anything.

• Surly Darkness
• Hoppin’ Frog B.O.R.I.S. The Crusher
• Tyranena Dirty Old Man
• Lake Louie Mr. Mephisto’s

Night cap time. Something big and numbing to wash away that horrible stretching pain in my stomach. Barley wine (I hate that term), old ale, maybe even a giant IPA will do the trick.

• Bell’s Third Coast Old Ale
• New Glarus Iced Barley Wine
• Great Lakes Nosferatu

I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving. Take some craft beer to dinner and share with the fam. Have fun pairing food and brews. As for me, once dinner is done, I’ll be heading back into the basement for a quick hibernation—and some home brewing—until the winter solstice draws me out again.

Drinkin’ And Thinkin’

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